Hangin' in there...

Things are better. They have been better for some time, but I'm terrible at updating my blog. Kyle may possibly be changing positions at work again, and it would much less traveling and more time at home. I'm trying not to get my heart set on it, but I'm hopeful.
I'm still feeling overwhelmed, tired, and like and inadequate mother at times... but I know I'll get through this.



I've considered myself lucky to have 3 set of grandparents well into my thirties... then my Grandaddy passed away not quite two years ago. Now, it looks like Mema is ready to join him. She's not likely to make it through this week. This is the grandmother I spent most of my childhood around. The one who had a bottomless cookie jar, a fridge full of cold Cokes and a freezer full of Blue Bell at all times. The one whose home I believed did not actually produce dust. The one who taught me that you have to wear a slip with a dress or skirt at all times or else it doesn't 'hang right'. The one who, seeing a magazine or two on the coffee table, would jump up and declare, "This house is terrible! Such a mess..." The one whose great big hug and kiss I will never forget and will miss terribly once I can't have it anymore. I don't want to say goodbye, but I know she hasn't been herself in some time, her body is weary, and her Father in Heaven may have need of her back home now.

I love you, Mema.

Prayers please

This is the man I married... three or 4 years ago with Dollface. Looks like a good Daddy! Happy, loving, well adjusted.
He's having a hard time with work these days. A few months ago, he had the choice of taking a severance package from Merck, or keeping a position with some of his old territory, and several new clients, ALL in New Mexico. Not a single doc in Texas left on his route. So, this means he has to drive at least an hour and a half to get to his first office. This means two, sometimes three overnights a week. He drives over a thousand miles a week, and I'm probably underestimating. He keeps saying "I should've taken the severance package..." and I'm not entirely convinced he's wrong about that. Don't get me wrong, we are grateful he actually is employed in this crappy economy... but well... this is what he looked like when he left for work today...

Ever heard the expression, "When Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy,"? Well, I cannot talk full responsibility these days. I love my husband so much. He is a good father, he is good to me, and he works so hard to take care of us in every way possible... but I feel like Billy Crystal's wife in City Slickers these days; I want him to find his smile. I know it's there somewhere. I just miss it so much.

It's rough finding anything in the pharma sales industry these days, especially here in Midland. For now, we have to muddle through what we have, as it's not the best time to find a job elsewhere and move, and almost no one has the money to give a relocation package lately. And he wants his Master's. I know it would help tremendously, but right now isn't the time for that either. I know we will get through this. I'm not hopeless... but your thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

Random Thoughts

You know when you really need a moment to yourself? When Daddy's out of town, and you can hear the dog eating your picky son's dinner off the table, and the kids are watching something you really don't like on Cartoon Network, and the house looks like a tornado hit, and you still say to yourself, "I don't care... I want a little 'me' time RIGHT NOW anyway," ? That's where I am right now.

I want to be organized. Desperately. This is something I've struggled with since childhood. I see my friends' cute, neat, clean homes, and I come home to mine... and I want to cry! And don't tell me about FlyLady. I've tried it. She is a wonderful woman, very smart, funny, sweet, and has certainly helped tons of people... but I am a three-time FlyLady flunkie!! I go and shine my sink. And it stays nice for a few days. And then the next thing I know...

Okay, maybe a slight exaggeration. But you get it. There are too many things that NEED to be done RIGHT NOW for me to feel good about my shiny sink. I know it didn't get this way overnight, and it can't totally change as fast. I think I just get disappointed in how little time & energy I have to devote to this, and then I throw in the towel. Could it be that I'm an OCD slob? Maybe since I've written this down for my friends to see, I'll feel accountable & newly motivated and make the changes I need to!

Well, at least I read scriptures every day. I really do. To the point that if I consider missing a night, I'm so uncomfortable that I have to. At least one chapter. I am grateful to have that bit of peace in my life each day. I guess that shows I am capable of forming good habits, because that's something I used to struggle with, too. I suppose there's a...

Good changes, good food, and good neighbors

Holy cow, November?? That was the last time I blogged? Whoops.

We had a nice Christmas at home, followed by a visit to Hunt & Austin. We got a chance to hang out with lots of family we don't see often enough.

Sugarplum turned two... no more 'babies' in my house :*(

And Little Man is now FIVE! He had a great time at Jumping Party with loads of buddies.

I TOTALLY chopped off my hair... a good foot or so. I love it! It feels & looks so much better.

High five to Dave Ramsey... we paid off our car, and received the title in the mail today! Whittling away that nasty debt a little at a time...

Kyle got a 3-in-one grill... gas, charcoal, and a smoker. It has truly changed our lives! It's amazing how much better food tastes off the grill.. it's been so long, I'd forgotten. So far we've done carribean pork chops & fresh grilled pineapple, and a whole brined chicken... mmmmm...

And... we have a new member of our family...

Meet Leeloo, our 18 month old Brittany (and possibly Springer mix). After talking to a couple breeders, we found her through National Brittany Rescue Adoption Network. She is absolutely perfect for our family! In a week and a half, I've heard her bark 3 times... twice at birds, and once at an ornery dog who started it. She is a total love sponge, soaking it up from whomever is nearest at the moment. She's crate trained & housebroken, and is so good natured! It's great to see the kids with her (and I include Kyle in that). She's already had a great influence on our household.
Which brings me to my neighbors. We are blessed with great neighbors on either side of us... but one has gone above and beyond the call of neighborly duty. A couple days ago, we came home from a long outing to find our yard dogless. One week... and she was gone! After about five minutes of sheer panic (and even starting a very sad "Lost Dog" sign), I thought, "Check at the neighbors." And sure enough, there she was. She'd climbed into their yard over a slightly shorter bit of fence, and fortunately wasn't able to get completely out. A couple things... a Brittany is a BIRD dog, and our neighbors have several pet birds in cages, indoors and out. But they kept her (and she used her very best manners) until we got home. And, best of all, Mrs. Awesome Neighbor took the time to clip out all the burrs Leeloo had gotten in our weedy backyard that I hadn't been able to get to yet. Did I mention that my kids frequent their house, and if I can't find one, I know they're safely next door? Good, good people. I need to bake them something. They are a blessing.
So, that's my sum up since Dollface's birthday. Whew! What a whirlwind!

Thankful...

First, some recent pictures of Halloween, Dolllface's birthday, and our visit with the Lunds...







And now, the latest news...

Kyle's employer is handing out another round of layoffs for the third time in 18 months. Once again, we'll find out for sure in January if he will keep his job. It's actually looking good, but nothing is 100% certain yet.

Dollface has been diagnosed with ADD, and we've started meds. It will take from two to four weeks to see any improvement. And yet, she just won second place in the UIL storytelling competition for her grade!

Little Man... well, he needs to pull his pants up. And he needs to stop picking on Sugarplum. But darn if those big blue eyes don't melt my heart every time I see them.

Sugarplum is managing to be her usual cheerful self despite her nasty cold and resulting "permasnot", as I call it.

I have a headache that's bordering near migraine level, and I'm close to wandering the nearest dark alley in search of someone in a trenchcoat to cure it.

But I'm thankful!

My life isn't perfect, due to choices I make and sometimes to things that fall in my lap. But I can't deny how blessed I am! I have family near and far that want the best in the world for me. I have a husband who loves me tremendously and couldn't be a better match for me. I have kids that are healthy enough to test my patience, then turn around and do something terribly sweet. I have a safe home for my family, even if the yard is full of dying weeds and I hate the sliding glass doors. I have trials that strengthen me, If I allow them to. And when things get too hard to handle, I have a Heavenly Father who I can turn to for peace.

More on the budget front...

I know, I'm beating a dead horse. We're on a budget, too much debt, wah wah wah, feel sorry for me... Well, actually, things are looking up. With a little finagling, the budget is loosening up. I'm actually seeing a wee bit more wiggle room. I won't be going on any shopping sprees, but I feel encouraged. A little inspired, even. As I told Kyle, it's still painful, but we've moved from, say, Loritab painful to generic Ibuprofen painful. I didn't expect to see a change this soon! I know without a doubt that paying tithing in cash has really helped, too.Those windows of heaven are opening up.

The most wonderful time of the year

Remember this commercial? I always sort of snickered at it, but I didn't have kids old enough to fully appreciate it. Now, I have a soon-to-be 2nd grader & pre-schooler who desperately need to see teachers and friends again... and I am a mommy who needs some fun alone time with her baby.
So, yes, I am one of those bad parents who looks forward to back to school. I feel no shame for it, either!

This summer has had its good moments, don't get me wrong. For instance, Dollface got her blackbelt! I'm so proud of my big girl. Another few years of honing her talent, and she'll be prepared for the dating years.



We've also found out a bit more about our big girl. After a year of counseling, and a visit with a behavioral pediatrician in Lubbock, we're facing either ADHD, or possibly a mood disorder (such as bipolar disorder). We'll have a confirmed diagnosis and treatment plan when we get more info from last year's teacher and her new teacher once they get to know each other. Her next appointment is in late October. I can see the light at the end of this tunnel now. We're finally headed in the best direction to help her.